An update on what coming out of maternity leave has been like, how motherhood has impacted my creativity, and how I am finding my footing.

We are back. I am back!

Fair warning: this may be a rambly mess. But action > perfection, and something > nothing. I can’t tell you how hard it has been to write this.

I am back from maternity leave in a more serious way—officially eight months after having my son (though I started working again about a month ago). I had planned to return in October, but when our childcare plans fell through and I didn’t feel even remotely ready to think about work yet, all signs pointed to extending my leave.

Becoming a parent in July was an immense privilege that I do not take for granted. I don’t think there will be a day when I am not profoundly grateful for this role in life. That being said, it has been an intense adjustment. Intense joy and intense change. Change that has touched nearly every aspect of my life: my daily routines, my body, my brain, my relationships, my capacity, my career, my leisure, my outlook, my sleep, my marriage, my future—to name just a few. And while I would argue that most of these changes are indescribably positive, it has still been a shock to the system. A system that I had lived in as an adult for ten years, unraveled by this tiny, squishy, screaming baby human.

If I could place a banner over this season of new parenthood, it would say: OVERWHELMED.

Overwhelmed by:

joy

fear

lack

love

inadequacy

purpose

grace

anxiety

meaning

difficulty

humility

As much as I didn’t want anything to change with my work, as a woman turned mother, it has changed everything. I am the same old me and nothing like the old me at all. And I don’t know how else to say it.

There are the obvious changes: the schedule shifts, the loss of autonomy, the redefined priorities. Then there are the more covert changes—the ones harder to pinpoint. Like how I now see the world differently, and that shift informs how I create. Or the shifts in capacity—so many things I used to care about, I simply don’t anymore because I don’t have the bandwidth to. Some of those things are good to let go of; others, not so much. And new things have taken their place—things I care about deeply. All of this informs my creative world. And, therefore, my work.

And on that note: As much as I’d love to keep my “self” and my “work” from being too tightly intertwined, they are. Because I am a human who doesn’t know how to untangle the different parts of me that matter. As a creative, my “self” and my “work” are tied.

Is that bad for me sometimes? Heck yeah, it is. It’s not always great. But it’s also what makes my work meaningful. It’s what makes me creative. It’s what makes great work. Much like a long-standing marriage, the self and the work of a creative are sometimes in a contentious relationship, and other times, in a honeymoon phase.

That brings me to this: I am learning how to be a parent who cares deeply about raising my child. And a parent who cares deeply about their career. Right now, that is what I know to be true. Beyond that? I’m just guessing and trying things until I find what works best.

I care about creating. I care about serving people with my work. I care about building brands that are memorable, effective, and beautiful. And I care about continually honing my craft.

I am so happy to be back, and I can’t wait to see what clients I get to serve in this new season. If you find yourself in a similar season or can relate to any of this, I would love to connect, so drop me a line.

xx

Jordan

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